


The Entire Sun

by snowvee



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, M/M, Not sure what I'm doing, first fanfic, just want the boys to be happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-20
Updated: 2017-05-22
Packaged: 2018-11-03 00:38:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10956066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowvee/pseuds/snowvee
Summary: Evan Hansen needs a night to get away from his own thoughts, and Connor Murphy needs a night to confess his.





	1. Part One

_I love you._ He wanted to say it, or something along the lines, but he wasn't quite sure how. Sure, Connor had been hanging out with Evan for a while now, but only platonically. Connor had considered the fact that not many straight guys his age hung out one on one and acted the way him and Evan do, but this was kind of his first friendship so he didn't exactly have something to compare it with. Plus… things were just… different with Evan. Both of them had their fair share of problems, but that only made them gravitate strongly toward each other. Maybe Connor didn't even like Evan like that; maybe the emotions he felt were just the normal feelings of companionship. But Connor was sure that there was a distinct difference in the sunny glow that spread through him at the sight of the copper haired, freckle faced boy compared to the tingly feeling that urged him to slam his knuckles into, for example, Jared Kleinman’s face. Contemplating all this made Connor’s stomach churn and head hurt. The lanky teen sighed audibly, tapping his black-polished nails against his steering wheel. Connor’s mind replayed the text messages between the two boys that had inspired this particular drive.  
Evan 11:23 pm  
Hey Connor, are you awake?

Connor 11:29 pm  
dude its not even that late of course im up

Evan 11:32  
Sorry

Connor 11:33  
its all good, whats on ur mind

At this point in the conversation, Connor had watched the typing dots form on his screen signalling Evan’s response. After a while, the bubble disappeared. Connor stopped to tie his hair into a messy knot before impatiently typing another text.

Connor 11:42  
evan? 

Evan 11:43  
Can we go somewhere? Please

Connor 11:43  
be there in ten

Connor had abruptly thrown a hoodie over his head before climbing out his window and shoving the keys into the ignition. That's how he had ended up in Evan Hansen’s driveway at nearly midnight on a Friday. The dark haired teen briefly considered knocking on the door or texting Evan, weighing his options. He decided on a text and as soon as his phone quietly dinged the confirmation ‘sent’ sound, a red eyed Evan stumbled out the front door. Connor’s heart panged as he took in the sight of Evan’s ruffled hair and wet cheeks, all signals pointing to a rough night. Evan hopped into the passenger side of the car, still dressed in some old flannel pajama pants, and let out a shaky breath.  
“Th..thank you for coming.” The boy sniffled, running the back of his hand across his face, avoiding eye contact. Connor bit his tongue and refrained from saying the obvious _‘are you okay?’_ because he of all people knew how fucking annoying that question was when it was clear to anyone that you were anything but okay. Instead, he tried to give a reassuring smile which he immediately regretted. Connor hated his smile, especially when someone had described his face while smiling looking like a ‘glass vase that someone had shattered accidentally’. He cleared his self deprecating thoughts, he was here to make Evan feel better, not to mope in silence.  
“So which way am I driving?” He asked, taking his eyes off the road to glance over at the shivering boy in the passenger’s seat. He didn't respond immediately, his soft eyes fogged over and clouded with thought. After a few seconds he seemed to realize Connor was speaking to him.  
“Oh uh sorry, I’ll give you directions.” Evan sat up straighter and stammered out instructions such as turn left, go straight, etc. The conversation didn't stray much from that. Connor had noticed that when the two were together it went pretty much like a middle school sleepover: in the beginning it was small talk and testing the waters, but by the end of the night they were struggling to breathe between laughter and never wanting to go home. They just had to get to that point in time. He stole a glance at Evan and studied the curvatures of his face before catching himself thinking of tracing his fingers between the constellations that were dusted across his cheekbones-- _What the fuck, Connor?_  
“I don’t really mind whatever the answer to this is, but where are we driving to?” He casually asked, hoping for this to spark an interest in Evan so he might fall out of whatever anxious spiral he was currently buried in. Evan bit down softly on his lip, his eyes shining with an emotion Connor couldn't detect.  
“It-it’s just this place I go to. I know it’s dark out, but I know it pretty well.” He replied, staring out the window of the car, his fingers fidgeting with the threads of the seat belt. Connor simply nodded his head.  
“Sure, whatever, I trust you.” The words came out before Connor could think them through, and although it was something most people say casually it felt like a lot for Connor. However, Evan showed no sign of reaction, just continued to blankly stare out into the night. It was late, but the sky around was a soft charcoal grey that was illuminated by the white lights of the stars. They drove in silence, each lost in their minds that were miles apart yet intertwined simultaneously.


	2. Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor and Evan arrive at their destination, and Connor places his trust in Evan in a way he wasn't expecting to.

“And take a left right here, and that's all.” Evan spoke, opening the passenger door and hopping out before Connor had even put the car in park. Where they were, Connor wasn't sure. They had driven for a while, further and further away from any town or human civilization. He was currently standing on a dirt path which was surrounded by trees that towered over them accompanied by the somewhat unnerving silence of night. Evan had turned towards Connor, visibly calmer as though a weight had been physically lifted from him.  
“Are you okay with hiking?” Evan asked, a slight cloud vaporizing into the air in front of Evan’s face. It was only early May, but then again the temperature drops in the dark. _Hiking?_ Connor felt his heart drop. It wasn't due to the fact that the silence of the forest intimidated him, it was the fact that he could hardly see his own feet in front of him. The trees blocked any light the moon was willing to give off, and the surrounding sky was about as dark as the polish Connor stole from his sister. He swallowed roughly before feigning a smile.   
“Sure.” Even Connor could hear the skepticism that had etched into his voice. Evan was watching him, and his eyes widened suddenly as he was struck with a realization.   
“Don't tell me, _the_ Connor Murphy is afraid of the dark?” He asked, a slight smile playing on his face. It was that very expression that made Connor’s heart swell and not stop to consider what Evan had meant by _‘the Connor Murphy’_ and the reputation that name held.   
“I am _not_ afraid of the dark. I just have perfectly practical reasons to be worried about getting lost in some forest, that’s all.” He retaliated, stepping closer to Evan because holy shit was it getting cold and this place was eerie.   
“I know this place like the back of my hand. Just follow me. Don’t you trust me?” Evan’s eyes shined confidently, knowing he had twisted Connor’s own words against him. Heat flushed his cheeks and he muttered something like _whatever_ before rolling his eyes. He looked up to see Evan take off through the steep trail, his silhouette being swallowed by the pines and soft hum of peepers. He really, really didn't want to follow yet his feet moved without his conscious command. Although Evan had seemed playful a minute ago, Connor had no way of knowing his current mental state for sure. He knew too well how different a person could be beneath the facade they portrayed on the outside. He understood the anxiety that swallowed Evan whole and warped his perception. Connor also knew what had happened the last time Evan was alone in a forest--not this forest, hopefully--and the thought only made the chills that whispered against his skin feel like lashes.   
Evan was shorter than Connor, and although it wasn’t by much, it made a huge difference in this situation, apparently. They had been hiking for awhile now, and while Evan could easily slip through thick vegetation, Connor was struggling to avoid getting hit by every freaking branch in the forest. Evan was ahead of him by a few feet, and the boys had barely exchanged even a few words so far throughout the whole ordeal. The world around was still, and Connor wondered what time it was before remembering he had left his phone in the car. He was most literally stranded, and his only lifeline was Evan. If Evan knew the trail well enough, why did he decide to bring him along? Connor tossed the thought around, only coming up with reasons he’d either not want to think about or ones that made him get his hopes up. And he knew better than to do that. Through all his thinking, the shivering teen had slowed his climbing to have an unsettling realization hit him. The forest was quiet before even with the peepers and snapping of branches. Now, the muteness was blatantly obvious. Connor stopped moving, the only thing grounding him was the ragged sound of his own breathing.   
“Evan..? Evan?” He called cautiously, feeling as though his intonations were lost to the winds. The boys had gone off trail, and the pounding of his own heartbeat against his chest nearly knocked him over. _God, was this how Evan felt all the time?_ Connor took a tentative step forward, Evan’s name forming in his throat again. He called out, louder this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this entry is super short, I just wanted to update as soon as possible. Thank you for all the kind comments and for reading this, it makes me so happy to know people are interested. I promise the next part will come super soon, and be a bit more exciting than this with more interactions between the boys :)


	3. Part Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feelings reveal themselves, and nature makes everyone happy.

_How could he have let this happen?_ Connor was crashing through the elevated trees as his mind spurred thoughts at him. He had lost Evan, the very Evan who had let himself drop from these same fucking trees and why couldn't he _ever_ do _anything_ right? His heart was banging in his chest so loud he was shocked everyone within a ten mile radius couldn't hear it. His hands would be shaking if they hadn’t already gone numb, it was fucking freezing, or maybe he was just cold from the fear gripping him inside.  
“Connor?” It was faint, it was distant, but it was there. He was there, and that was all that mattered.  
“Evan!” He called again, his feet taking him to the source of the response. Connor hardly even felt the branches that snagged at his clothes like hands reaching out to tear him apart. He heard his name again, closer this time, and he was scrambling through this dark fucking forest towards the sound and he was pretty sure he just sprained his ankle and _holy fucking hell how far did Evan manage to get from him--_  
“Connor!” Evan was there, his downturned eyes glimmering in the darkness, both hands familiarly worrying at the hem of his shirt. The dark haired teen was so glad, so fucking glad to see Evan that the next thing he knew he was hugging him, squeezing the smaller boy so tight he might be hurting him.  
“You have no idea how fucking glad I am to see you.” The words escaped Connor’s mouth in a icy puff, the warmth of the embrace spreading through his torso and calming his heartbeat. The chill in the air evaporated as Evan hugged Connor back.  
“Me too… I’m really happy you exist, Connor.” Evan whispered into Connor’s shoulder, which was just about where they naturally lined up in height. Connor didn’t respond, he just took in the moment. Neither boy broke the silence, and the quiet spoke a million words that neither had to say out loud. The stillness was anything but harsh, and the presence of the other was enough. It was enough to say what Connor needed to say, and it was enough to keep the other from falling apart.  
“Connor, look.” Evan murmured softly, pulling his head back slightly. He opened his eyes to see Evan’s face illuminated by a warm, delicate glow. The golden light highlighted the other boy’s features, brightening the extravagance of his bone structure and his natural blonde highlights. Turning his head, he was hit by the source of the glow. The sun was just coming over the mountainous heights, its rays spreading throughout the great expanse of the sky. The illumination of the yellow film faded into a hazy fuchsia that bled into a deep indigo. The sunrise was a realistic, living work of watercolors blending and breathing colors into another. The sight was enough to take anyone’s breath away.  
“T-this is why I brought you here…” Evan started, his voice wavering slightly.  
“I really, uh, really wanted to share this with you.” His words made the brightest smile break out on Connor’s face, and the thought that he hated his smile didn’t even cross his mind. In a spur of the moment decision, he took Evan’s hand and pulled him over to a wide, flat boulder that was lodged by the horizon. They sat there, still connected by their hands, and watched the sun lazily rise over their purview. After a moment's passing Connor felt Evan rest his head gently against his shoulder, and exhale quietly as though he had been holding his breath. A radiance bloomed within him, paralleling the glow of the sun. He didn’t need to say _I love you_ , he already knew. Connor gently squeezed Evan’s hand, and slowly their breathing synced into a steady rhythm. They were okay. That was all they needed, and that was all that mattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so short!! I liked the way the ending turned out and felt that it didn't need anything else. I really hope you enjoyed reading it, I loved writing it and I live for all your comments. I'll keep writing and uploading, I just don't have many ideas yet. Have a lovely day/night!! ♥

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time doing everything-- writing a fanfiction, sharing my writing, using this website, etc-- so apologies if something is wrong or if this is just written really poorly. I'll update this soon, and would greatly appreciate any comments or feedback! Also I'd love any suggestions for other stories or situations to write about :))


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